In the last two weeks I've been faced with two different opinion pieces about fat people. And yes, that's what both pieces called them - fat people.
And both expressed the same sentiment. That people who are fat choose to be fat. They chose to eat burger and fries, and being overweight is the consequence of that choice, and if they wanted to be healthy they could simply choose to eat healthier foods and choose to do some excercise and all would be right with the world again.
I don't know either of the authors personally, so I can't completely judge them. But both have photographs of themselves on their blogs. The harsh truth is that you can generally tell a thin person who has always been thin from a thin person who used to be fat. And both these authors are the former - healthy, thin people who have never been anything but thin and healthy. Another harsh truth is that it's impossible to know how it feels to be fat unless you have actually been fat. Much the same as you can't fully understand the struggle of being indigenous unless you are in fact indigenous. You can listen to people talk about it, but unless you experience it you'll never fully comprehend it.
The difference is that people try to understand the struggle of indigenous people. Noone tries to understand what life is likee for a fat person.
In that regard I think some credit must go to Gwyneth Paltrow. Again she is thin and healthy and always has been, but in the film Shallow Hal she donned a fat suit to play someone much larger. I remember reading that one day she decided to experiment, and wore her fat suit off set. She found that not only did noone recognise her, but people were short and impolite to her, and most wouldn't look her in the eye. She got a small insight into what overweight people live with everyday, and the experience reduced her to tears.
One of the pieces I read, a parenting blog, tried to compare the third trimester of pregnancy to being overweight, and said fat people now frustrate her because she can't understand why they choose to live that way. Well I have been pregnant, and I assure you the two are nothing alike. In my third trimester my belly was huge. It pressed against my lungs, my stomach, my hips and my bladder and made me constantly uncomfortable. Just like the author I couldn't bend to tie my shoes, I couldn't shave my legs, and I couldn't keep up with others when walking. However, being overweight hasn't stopped me from doing any of those things, so the comparison it moot. Besides, no-one looks at a pregnant woman and thinks anything bad about her. They say she's glowing, and her belly looks beautiful. But as the other opinion blog points out, people are only too quick to judge fat people for being lazy, and for lacking self control.
What's more, in recent times they've stopped being quiet about it. In previous years it has been taboo to tell a fat person they need to lose weight and excercise. But no longer. Two blog posts in two days is quite indicative off that. I've experienced the same judgements elsewhere. On one forum I expressed how unhappy I was with my size, and how hard I was finding it to lose weight, and was essentially told to go away. It seemed noone wanted to hear my negative ramblings and excuse making. Except that I was genuinely trying to be positive and not make excuses, and I was asking for some support during my struggle. On another forum I said I was frustrated that I was always hungry so soon after eating breakfast, so I was told to eat eggs. When I explained (in great detail) that eggs aren't a practical option for me, I was told that I was once again making excuses, and that being the case I must not really want to lose weight.
I have fought hard with my weight for a decade now, and despite all that fighting I still have a BMI that is well above 40. Healthy eating doesn't come naturally to me. I don't like salad, or fruit. I do like vegies, but the lack of variety sometimes frustrates me - there's only so much carrot one girl can stomach, and drizzling them with honey to make them interesting would defeat the purpose. I also don't enjoy excercising. I have to force myself to excercise, which is made harder with a small child. She doesn't sleep much during the day, so I can't make much use of her nap times. They're too short to do much excercise. I also have no-one around to mind her so I can work out, and my budget won't stretch to join a gym with a creche. I can go walking while pushing the pram - but only when the weather permits, and it's now been raining for a week and a half. Not to mention I have to find the time and the energy, which some days just doesn't happen.
Again when I explain these things to people, I'm told once again to "stop making excuses" and that I "must not really want to lose weight". I've recently come to the conclusion that these two phrases actually mean "I don't know the answer, but don't want to look like an idiot, so I'll make it your fault instead". Because that's all it is. I ask a person how I'm supposed to excercise with all these challenges I face, and if the person has an answer, an option they think I haven;t conssidered, they'll usually tell me what it is. When they can't think of one they never admit they don't know the answer, they make it my fault by saying I'm making excuses. What's more, in recent times I've found they get quite aggressive about it. People have said rather hurtful things to me when I've been seeking help.
I'm not sure at what point it became alright to be mean to fat people, but it has indeed happened. Of course most won't say it to your face. More often they do it in writing, on internet forums and blogs, where the result of their words isn't so confronting. There is also the added benefit that on a forum you are encouraged to share opinions. If your opinion happens to offend or upset someone you simply have to remind everyone that it is just your opinion. Apparently on forums people's right to an opinion is so hevily guarded that they are not required to make apologies when something they say makes someone cry.
When a person is fat people immediately make judgements about them for it. Fat people are judged as lazy, uneducated, stupid, undisciplined, and lacking self control. In actual fact I am not lazy - I work very hard at my job, at raising my daughter, and at looking after my household and husband, and as a result of all this hard work there often isn't enough time or energy left to take care of me. I am not uneducated or stupid - I hold a degree, I have an above average IQ. My problem is that the education about nutrition, health, and excercise is confusing and contradictory. One source will tell me carbs are good, another will tell me they're bad. One will tell me swimming is the best exercise, another will tell me it's the worst. One will tell me that any amount of excercise is good for me, another will say any less than an hour a day will be pointless. I do lack self control, I will admit to that. But should that make it ok for people to judge me so harshly? I don't think anyone deserves such treatment.
I was always taught to treat others as I would like to be treated. The next time you decide to pass judgement on a person, consider how you would like them to think so little of you.
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