I've often been told that when it comes to parenting, there are no right or wrong answers. the thinking there is that every parent and every child is different. Some things will work for some but not for others. Since having a baby I've revised that statement.
There are no right answers. Only wrong ones.
It might sound defeatist but some days this is what parenting feels like. You can't do anything without being judged for having done it wrong.
The judgement begins before the baby is even born. If you choose to eat a soft serve ice cream or a piece of salami someone will judge you for putting your baby at risk of listeria. If you choose to follow the food guidelines to a tee, someone else will judge you for being neurotic. Everyone has an opinion on finding out the baby's sex, and they never say "I wouldn't". They always say "you shouldn't".
It continues the moment you leave the delivery room. "Breast is best" is drummed into you, with posters in every room and lectures from the midwives. Mothers who bottle-feed their babies often feel judged, whether they do so by choice or necessity. Yet mothers who breastfeed are not immune to judgement. They are made to hide from the public to feed, or be judged for public "nudity". While some mothers are judged for giving their child a bottle, others are judged for not giving their baby a bottle.
Nappies are the next mine field. If you use disposables you are judged for destroying the environment. If you use cloth you are judged for wasting precious water. And every nappy comes with a brand. Not using the most expensive and therefore the best nappy? Everyone can tell, becaus it doesn't have Pooh Bear on it, and they will pass judgement.
If you go back to work before your child reaches school age then you are "outsourcing parenting". But if you stay at home you are a "sponge".
The judgement is everywhere, about how you feed, dress, discipline, and educate your child. No matter what option you choose there is always someone waiting to tell you that you chose the wrong one.
It's lunch time and I'm in the shopping centre. What should I feed my child? Happy meal? Too much fat. Sushi? Too much salt. Jam sandwich? Too much sugar. Every option in the food court is going to come with a side order of guilt. Going to a cafe is just as bad. The entire kids menu is made up of fried food, feeding her any of it makes me a bad mum. But asking for a healthy option makes me a difficult customer. And other patrons judge me for being in the cafe at all, because cafe's are deemed a "grown up" place, and I am encroaching on their cafe experience.
Some parents do genuinely make very bad choices. But most are getting by with the options in front of them. If it's true that there are no right or wrong answers, then perhaps it's time we stopping telling parents that they have done the wrong thing.
